Turtles lack vocal cords, so the easiest way to translate from English to turtle is pronounce words as if you are choking on burning hot mashed potatoes. It is *extremely* important to make sure that you are simulating mashed and not baked potatoes for that extra gurgly quality. Here’s an example of how English should be pronounced for turtles. Frederick, your typical disgruntled turtle laborer*, retrieves swamp goo for scientists who convert it into a highly efficient form of green energy. Whenever the scientists call Frederick, they simply yell “FREDERICK, GIMME GOO!” Or in turtle, “FREDERICK, XIMEGOO!” Now, do you see how mashed potato-y that is? *Part of the reason Frederick is so disgruntled is that he prefers to be called “Fred,” but the scientists can’t seem to remember this.
